Entry August 21, 2009. 0149hrs.
Yes, it’s almost two in the morning and I’m still very much awake. I’m not sure if it’s just me or it’s just part of being pregnant. If it’s the latter, then this is probably part of nature’s way of preparing us expectant mothers for the many sleepless nights to come. (*smile*)
I’m in my 35th week now. A complete pregnancy usually takes 40 weeks, but I asked my gynaecologist and he said that we should get ready by the 37th week, which means I have two more weeks to go. Eek!
I’ve always been excited about the baby (whom I’ve pet-named as Sunshine since the beginning, not knowing if it’s a he or she). Well, okay. I get hormonal sometimes and cry at the thought of how life’s never going to be the same again. But that doesn’t count. Expectant mothers get emotional and sensitive because of the hormone changes. Rapid hormone changes that is. It’s completely crrrazy – like I get annoyed or emotional at the littlest of things –but it’s just important for the baby’s growth and perfection. I can only hope that I won’t be as irrational after the whole ordeal is over. (*crossing fingers*)
Apart from what I’ve mentioned – sleepless nights and crazy hormone attacks – there’s non-stop eating. I’m constantly hungry and want everything! Most expectant moms (and dads) have specific cravings. But me, I just want it all; chocolate cake, coconut buns, mango puddings, chicken curry, fried mihun, tomato ketchup, butter chicken, cheese-cake, orange juice, hot chocolate, KFC, and occasionally, stuff. I’m almost term and yet I still can’t decipher when it’s really cravings or I just want them and use pregnancy as an excuse to want them right then and there. Hi hi.
And then, there’s extreme insecurity of the physical outlook, which I think is funny because hey, I’m pregnant; no one really gives a shit how I look like, right? But I get this really agitated feeling everytime I look at the stretch marks. They’re everywhere! And they’re hideous! I once broke down and cried after analysing the parts of my body and saw that the stretch marks and cellulite had gone to impossible lengths (now that I think about it, I feel stupid).
No need to mention, the size of my bulging belly that makes it impossible for me to fit into most of my clothes. I was only able to accept the fact that pregnancy and cute, sexy underwears do not fit in the same category in my 5th month. So I shoved them all (angrily at that time) into the closet and had to go out and buy these really, huge, ugly underpants that go up to my waist. Included are huge, sponge-less bras with really wide straps. I remember how I used to tease my mom about her undergarments. Now she laughs back at me.
The loo had in the course of my pregnancy become one the most visited places. I feel like peeing exactly every 15 minutes since I got into the second month. Now that I’m almost term, it’s every 5 minutes. No kidding. My belly’s the size of a big watermelon now, which means that my bladder is shrunk to a very small size, reducing its ability to contain big amounts of fluid (and plus, the baby kicks and wiggles and moves around like nobody’s business... and he/she doesn’t even know WHERE the bladder is)! And the thing is, I’m always, ALWAYS thirsty. So, go figure.
Coming into the 7th month, my back started to hurt a lot, especially when I’m up and doing chores. And I had (and still have) difficulty breathing too, all the time. Getting on the bed, or even squatting down to pee, are now deem as very difficult tasks. I pant most of the time. My heartbeat is pretty fast, so it means that a lot of blood is being pumped in seconds. Everyday is pretty tiring, since you’re carrying around this heavy little person everywhere you go (and everything you do).
Expectant moms have this sleeping position to follow, which to lie down on your left side in the foetal position. I do that. But what happens when you’re sick of one position and want to change the other side of your body, or lie on your back? Yeah you can change, but your heartbeat speeds up in seconds and you have to lie back on your left side.
I also sweat all the time. But when I’m in an air-conditioned area or sit in front of the fan for too long, air gets in my system and I feel extremely bloated for a very long time. Yes, extreme discomfort. So, here comes all the ginger (and I hate ginger).
And the baby’s kicking? It was cute... at first. Now it’s just more rigorous and painful at times. Ha ha. I’m not so sure if babies are like that at this stage of pregnancy, or I’m carrying one that is very, very active and seem to be able to do somersaults already. I hate it when he/she kicks my ribs... Just imagine that; a little person kicking your insides...
All these and more, make me wish everyday that this will soon be over. But more than that, I yearn to see this little person that my husband and I made and had brought along in my belly for the past eight months... this little human being who had already made me feel that my life’s going to be tough yet interesting and perfecting... I quit smoking and drinking altogether because of him/her, something that I had been trying to do before this but failed. I started to give a damn about eating right, and forced myself to love veggies. I wonder what else is in store for me...
Being pregnant had been an incredible journey. It was confusing at first (and sometimes still is), but you get to learn gradually, what it is like to be responsible and loving. This is a human being we’re talking about... imagine the responsibility a mother carries... Yes, that being said, I’ve learned to appreciate my own mother more. And we’ve not even got to the deliver part yet... (*pants frantically*)
That’s that for now. I’ll definitely update you much later than this when my baby’s out. In the meantime, little one needs food! He’s seems so hungry, judging by the momentum of his kicks!