Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Angry Bitch

"The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, the education, the money, than circumstances, than failure, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company... a church... a home. The remarkable thing is we have a choice everyday regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past... we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude. I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it. And so it is with you... we are in charge of our Attitudes."
Charles R. Swindoll quotes
(American Writer and Clergyman, b.1934)

Among friends, I was generally known as a happy-go-lucky, cheerful, free-spirited person (or was it I'd like to think so?). And ya, I like to believe that this is true. So despite the choppy waves i had to come across in life, I tried to be as positive as I could and I can safely say that I succeeded. That kind of attitude got me through life pretty well, hence, the faith I have in the quote "Life is how you look at it and act on it", which is by me (Eherm! Haha, sempat lagi bah kan). But it's true.

Some years, more challenges, a marriage and a baby later, I'm today a much angry person. I snap like a swift swordsman at anyone (ANYONE including and especially my husband, my mom, my son, friends, turtle-slow and blur waitresses at restaurants, que-jumping drivers, criss-crossing drivers who don't signal, etc). I mean, i get REALLY angry. It started after giving birth (I think), which according to books i read is normal and would go away after the postpartum depression period is over. But two years later, I'm still an angry bitch.

At first it seemed normal and it didn't worry me. I was probably waiting for that postpartum depression to be 'over', but it never was over. I just keep being mean. And now, i'm worried.

I've always hated the way I'm always angry, but unconsciously defend myself that it's because of the hormones, surrounding, other people, etc - basically it's continuous blames on something or someone else... and that it can't be helped... And I comfort myself by thinking that someday somehow there'll be a solution. So I'll just be 'naturally' angry.

And then yesterday I came across this quote by Swindoll. And i remembered about how I used to look at life; free-spirited, carefree, happy, and simply the ability to be able to see the silver lining in every cloud, and the strength and gratitude in challenges. And I asked myself, "What happened to you?"

"... life is 10% what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it." And I have faith in this because I was that person before, and it's been proven true. Because life hadn't been great for my mom, siblings and me. But we pulled through because we were able to laugh about it no matter how shitty it got. And I miss that.

And so, from today onwards, 11 August 2011 (Thursday), I challenge myself to a 30-day trial of the Attitude Towards Life test. Having said that, I'll be posting a post a day reporting on what are the shits that I'll have to go through each day and how I managed to (or not) get through them. Let's see what happens after 30 days. =D

The Angry Bitch

p/s: The post title is kind of funny considering everyone's into the Angry Birds nowadays, no? HAHA! No? Oh, nevermind.

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